I often find myself, like I’m sure many other Daddoo’s do, hiding in the toilet using some kind of device (GET YOUR MIND OUT THE GUTTER!) such as a mobile phone or tablet. It’s then I realise, looking up irrelevant information to my life, there’s nothing to hide from. It’s much better and more beneficial to engage and be pro-active in family life. So, I run back out and join in the fun.
When I see other Dads pushing along a pram with the view of their child being blocked by their phone it fills me with disappointment. Not only for that precious parent/child time being infringed by the cellular strain but because I know I do it far too often myself. We as a generation have become too reliant on our phones, choosing to gaze at them like zombies rather than interacting in person with each other. I’m a massive culprit for it. Often when someone’s had a misfortune or at loggerheads in the street it’s more common to see rubberneckers get out their phones rather than help the unfortunate soul in the mire.
I understand the temptation to whip out your phone and have a gleg, while your little one’s seemingly engaged in something else. I now try to fight it as much as possible. My wife has pointed out several things I’ve missed in the past, usually met with a blank expression and being asked the dreaded “Are you listening? What did I just say” questions. As adults, everyone’s been on the receiving end when some ignoramus is staring at their phone, totally blanking your attempt at a conversation. Let’s face it, it’s really frustrating so imagine how our little one’s feel.
For a long time, I didn’t see what an issue it could be. A few months ago, Ayla walked over to me, snatched my phone from my hand and put it on the other side of the room. This was a huge sign to me that my daughter had picked up on the fact that she wasn’t the focus of my attention. With that, I’ve come to a compromise. We’re lucky now that Ayla has cracked the bedtime routine to have child free time from 7pm every night. This leaves plenty time to google such things as “Why James Jordan was sacked from Strictly”, work on blogs and ignore your wife (only joking dear). My new rule is – when Ayla’s up my phone is down.
Mobiles are tricky things. They can be addictive and constantly demand our attention with an incessant barrage of largely pointless notifications. That said they’re also a pretty universal tool for organising all aspects of our lives.
I quite often plan days on the fly depending on the weather and everyone’s mood, so I do need to try to grab some time to look up journey times, entry costs and the like. This isn’t often easy as my daughter tends to demand play at all times when I’m with her, but she’s of an age that I’ll explain to her what I’m doing. On the flip side, if I’ve nothing important to do I’ll do my best to put the damn phone away and focus on our time together. It must be incredibly difficult if you run a business from home though, as I’m heading towards doing. Then I guess it’s a case of making sure there’s time when the child is the sole focus.
You’re so right, Dan. We plan days like that too. Between finishing work and our daughters bedtime, we try and fit in dancing together to Disney DVD songs which is made even more difficult through phones now being the first screen people look at rather than the TV.
Love it! Definitely something I need to work on too… When my son started grabbing stuff the first thing he went for was my phone. And the worst part is when I put it down and look at him I get the BIGGEST smile. Why am I ever looking at my phone then??
I know that feeling well, Kevin. Especially when I’m looking up totally pointless information like ‘what are the cast of USA High doing now?’
It’s a tough one, but also an essential one. I lost my father a few years ago and soon realised that I hardly had any photos of him. This changed my view point on my phone usage! Since then I’ve photographed possibly too much. I’ve got great photos and videos of the kids on days out. My work schedule is on the phone as is the email, quotation software etc. BUT It is still very important to show our offspring that life isn’t all about staring at a phone.
You’ve referenced the buggy push in your article. The amount of parents I’ve seen pushing a buggy with their phone in their faces and earphones on! When I’m with the kids, I’m with the kids. That may include planning trips out or sharing some internet time with them. Surely most will admit to popping some youtube and Peppa pig on to prevent the tears.